Every month or so, I find myself crying over the same thing - no baby. In between those moments, there's been plenty else to cry about. Mom and Dad's divorce. Difficult jobs. Growing into adulthood. I've become really familiar with the sound of my own crying. Are you? Will you share your stories with me? Will you share your sadness? There is something hopeful in knowing we all go through it. Post a comment and tell me about the sound of your cries and what makes them come.
Somehow I feel my crying is sacred - precious to a God who loves me so much. Somehow that holiness comes into my life when I cry. It's as though the tears are teachers of some great eternal lesson that I am unable as yet to define. But know, my babies, wherever you are, that momma loves you, oh, so much, and she will see you soon.
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5 comments:
I cry about no babies too. I had my first pregnancy and then my first miscarriage all in the last 2 1/2 month period of time. It is so heartbreaking! I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and now there is just this dull ache like a piece of me is missing. I cry because I have to change my plans and it is hard. Job hunting is tedious and time consuming and often discouraging. I feel like I am over and under qualified for everything. Growing into adulthood is hard. But I guess nothing worth having is ever easy.
Hi Kelsey, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can't say I have any experience in the baby dept, but I have had my share of health problems. I have learned much of suffering in life is caused by the inherent belief that something should be different, and the injustice that is otherwise. Lately I have cried myself to sleep being surrounded by such extreme poverty here in India. But I think you are right though-- suffering is holy. It brings us closer to the Savior. I wish you peace, acceptance of God's will and a baby in the future! What a wonderful mom you will be when that time comes!
Cute Kelsey... I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I can say I truly understand. However, I was lucky to have one baby, but never again. I cried and prayed and cried some more to have more babies, but was never pregnant again. But finally 10 years later I was able to adopt, and then again six years after that. I married John and got four more, so ended up with at big family. Eleven beautiful grandchildren now. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for you and Brent. You are so deserving and would be such wonderful parents. Don't give up. And don't rule out any options. We love you guys and sorry for all the other woes your are going through. Diana & John
The sounds of my cries are sometimes full of anguish. Exhaustion. The begging to feel relief from the confusion and the pain and the loss. The sounds of a person shattered, but determined. The cries come every so often, after a few days or weeks of feeling ok, or of just bearing through it all. Then I sit on my knees and cry to my savior, trying to remember that He knows intimately the pain that I, and we all, feel. I cry because it hurts. I cry because I'm confused. I cry because I'm just so tired and don't know how to make it to the next hour. Loss takes a lot out of a person. The loss of my family: Loss of a baby through miscarriage at 14 weeks. Loss of a marriage two months later through a husband who decides, out of the blue, to walk out because he doesn't love me and no longer wants to be married. Sometimes the crying is an acknowledgment of the missing and broken pieces, of the lost hopes and dreams and plans. Sometimes the crying is because I just don't know what else to do and all I want is to feel the peace that He brings. But in the end, the crying brings me closer to Him, and lets me kneel at His feet.
We all go through terrible pains that bring on our tears. But we will also find peace and comfort and strength. Growing means lots of stretching and a whole lot of growing pains, I suppose. My hugs go out to you, Kelsey.
Oh, Jennell. My hugs are to you. So sad for you. My heart breaks a little for you. So much love.
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