Adoption

As some of you may know, it's now been over four years since Kelsey and I first started trying to get pregnant. We've been to the doctor several times to try to see what's going on, but as far as they can tell there's no reason we shouldn't be getting pregnant. We haven't been able to do as much fertility treatment as we might have liked, since while we had two incomes we were in Yuma, where there aren't any fertility specialists, not to mention were still paying for a house in Las Vegas as well as our house in Yuma. Now that we're in Tucson we've found a good fertility doctor but since we're both in school we don't have the money to do much fertility treatment. As we've been pondering our situation, we've just sort of felt like we need to do what fertility treatment we can as we can afford it; then if we haven't gotten pregnant by the time Kelsey finishes her masters and we have an income again, we can start to pursue it more seriously. That is, until about a week and a half ago.

Here's the e-mail I sent to my family making the announcement:

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Hello family-

Well, it's not the announcement that you're expecting, but it does have to do with children. Through a series of conversations and inspirations Kelsey and I have recently come to the decision to adopt. And, since we've never been ones to go small, we're planning to adopt a sibling group of two or three children.

This may be as much of a surprise for us as it is for you. We have always felt strongly that we will have biological children, and we still do. We have often discussed the possibility of adopting, but have never felt right about it until recently. About a week ago and independent of one another, both Kelsey and I had some fairly clear bits of inspiration that got us thinking more seriously about it. Then a friend of ours who adopted an infant a few years ago felt prompted to show us the profile of a young man on adoptuskids.org, and although we didn't feel good about that particular individual, it got us thinking more. After looking around at the profiles of several of the children on there, we began to feel strongly that this was a good thing for us, particularly the idea of adopting a sibling group from foster care. At this point we think we'll probably end up adopting a group of three kids under the age of ten. We don't have a particular group in mind (although there are lots of really cute kids on the website!), which makes sense, since it typically takes about a year from starting the process to having kids placed.

We recognize (at least intellectually) the challenges that go along with adopting from foster care. Kelsey's aunt is a child psychologist in Phoenix, who regularly evaluates children for adoptive placement. Kelsey had a good talk with her the other day, and she has volunteered to be the one who evaluates children as we consider them for adoption. One of the advantages of adopting older children (as opposed to an infant) is that we will have a pretty clear idea going in of what sorts of emotional, physical and/or psychological challenges they face. Because we know that adoption brings with it so many extra challenges, we've decided not to add the challenge of interracial adoption, and will thus only be considering Caucasian children.

You're probably also wondering how this will affect our educational plans. Since we won't have the kids until about a year from now, Kelsey will have completed her masters, and depending on how I plan my next two semesters, I should be done with my doctoral coursework. Kelsey would get a job for the 2014-15 school year while I do my research for my lecture recital and complete the recital itself. While I'm doing my research my schedule will be pretty flexible (I don't have to go to the lab to feed my cells like Mike did [Mike is my oldest brother, a cancer researcher at Harvard]), so if one or more of the kids aren't yet school age, I can stay home during the day while Kelsey is at work, and do my research in the evenings.

Sorry if this is a kind of an impersonal way of announcing this. I thought about calling each of you individually, but I figured you'd all have a lot of the same questions, and since we're coming up on finals this week, I thought I'd save myself spending the time to answer the same questions seven times. We'd love to talk to you about this on the phone if you want to give us a call.

We'll keep you posted as we know more. I'm pretty sure it will be several months before we have any information that's of interest. Also, we're not keeping this to ourselves anymore, so you're welcome to tell anybody you want to tell.

As we have been considering this, we've both commented on how grateful we are to have such a wonderful extended family that we know will accept our adopted children without reservation. We're so thankful for the love you've given to us, and that you will give to them. We are so much more excited now for the 2015 reunion when you'll all get to meet your new niece(s) and nephew(s)!

With love,

Brent

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Update, 1:01 p.m.

I just realized that my comment above about only considering Caucasian children could sound like it means we think that interracial adoption is wrong. That's not the case at all; my aunt and uncle, as well as Kelsey's cousin, have done interracial adoptions. It has worked well for them and we love their children! It just doesn't feel like the right choice for us.

That's all.